Poems by Stephanie

Stephanie Husted is a free-lance poet who has a child with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. She enjoys encouraging other families through the written word. She lives in Michigan with her husband and two sons, Colin and Braeden.
 

If I Could Write Your Story

If I could write your story son...
(Oh how I wish I could)
I'd pen for you a journey...
That held nothing but good.
Wouldn't it be perfect...
If that job belonged to me?
I think I'd change a thing or two...
While writing your story.
I'd write of lasting happiness...
The storms would stay at bay..
I"d write your story carefully...
I'd have so much to say...
You'd know not of a hospital...
Or days in ICU...
You'd only know of simple things...
Like other children do.
The sun would rise...yes everyday...
And shine to make you smile...
You'd never know a day of pain...
You'd never face a trial.
You'd dance to music all your own...
While watching Sesame Street...
I'd tuck you into bed each night...
And life would be complete.
I'd write of picnics in the park...
And winters in the snow...
I'd write of laugher,joy and love...
I'd sit and watch you grow.
I'd proofread till my eyes grew tired...
Each line and paragraph...
And let my pen fall to the floor...
Then stop to hear you laugh.
And never would I question...
What sick children must face...
Never would I have a need...
To ask God for his grace.
I'd likely live oblivious...
Of what it means to be...
A member of this "special club"...
I call my heart family.
If I could write your journey son...
Perhaps I'd not convey...
The message that HE longs to share...
"We must live for today".
Your story has been written...
Each stroke penned with great care...
He knows each thought I have of you...
He's numbered every hair.
No I can't write your story son...
Although I wish I could...
I must heed what HE says to me...
"All things work for the good".
If I could write the life you'd live...
I'd fail...don't you see?
I'll leave it in much better hands...
He'll write it perfectly.

Heart Mom Lessons

Heart mom lesson number ten...
Forget who you were and who you have been
Life is about to take a detour
And you will be shaken to your very core.
You've just found out something's not right
How will you make it through this plight?
What can you do? What should you expect?
Of life with a child with a heart defect?
Heart mom lesson number nine
You'll learn to say things are just fine
When people stop... to just say hi
There will be days...you long to cry
Bound by worry...fear... and stress
At times...you'll think..."I am a mess."

You'll smile, when you long to whine
Then say..."thank you"...were doing fine.
Heart mom lesson number eight
You'll learn just what it means to wait.
Patience is a virtue right?
Who really needs to sleep at night?
A hospital room... not a permanent state
As each day passes... home must wait.
Patience is knowing...things won't stay the same
Patience is accepting...a changing time frame.
Heart mom lesson seven here
Our children's futures still aren't clear
Innovations continue to thrive

Each year more children will survive.
These children and their familiies
Will rise to fight these CHD's
Research is imperative
Our kid's deserve a chance...to live.
Heart mom lesson number six.
It's clear life holds no easy fix
If life were perfect...in every way
I guess...I'd have no need to pray
I'd still be living...blind...and dim
Forgetting I must lean on HIM..
I cannot change the way things are
But prayer makes God...seem not so far.
Heart mom lesson number five
Cherish this day...your child's alive
Today we frolicked in the snow
(Did he like it? hmmm...well...no)
I watched him smile..as snowflakes fell
I thought...thank God...he's doing well
A bundled boy...warm hat...one glove
No doubt about it...this is love.
Heart mom lesson number four
There is always time for more
More messes that need cleaning up
More cartoons on t.v
More yes...I'm gonna tickle you
(The best things remain free)
More bubbles in the bathtub
More stories...one more song
More this little piggie went to market.
One more...just can't be wrong.
Heart mom lesson number three
Their special hearts...help us to see
Did I always understand?
That God holds our lives in his hand?
Before my child...I took for granted
The gifts in my life...that God surely planted
Before my eyes...I missed them...how?
My heart child came...I see them now.
Lesson number two...take heart.
It is okay...to fall apart... It's not easy,we don't know
Will we watch our children grow?
God looks to his angels...saying see why I chose her
She is not afraid to lose her composure
In her heart...she feels defiled
But nothing will stop her... from loving her child.
Heart mom lesson...number one
It must be said...we're never done!
That day...will never come you see
We'll always face uncertainty
But I will face each day unknown
Taking heart...I'm not alone.
These lessons... remind me to cope
Stand strong...believe...and always hope.

I am a Heart Mother

One day my world came crashing down,
I'll never be the same...
They told me that my child was sick..
I thought, am I to blame?
I don't think I can handle this...
I'm really not that strong..
It seemed my heart was breaking..
As, I'd loved him for so long.
I will not give up on this child..
despite your best "advice"..
I will give my child a chance..
No matter what the price..
And I will learn all that I need..
to help my child to thrive...
I'll even use that feeding tube..
My child will survive!
And he'll needs lots of therapy?
And he just can't gain weight?
Alright God I can do this..
I will not curse our fate.
The feeding pump beeps,( at 3:00 a.m.)
It serves as my reminder..
How many parents would welcome that sound?
Tomorrow Lord, I will be kinder.
Another angel earns their wings..
and I run to my sleeping child's bed..
I watch him then, for quite awhile..
(I bend down and kiss his head)
Then I cry for the parent's whose lives have been broken..
And I look to You wondering why?
Oh Lord, I just can't know your ways..
No matter how I try.
And yet, I trust You hold his life..
(and guide us through each day)
My mind says savor each moment he's here...
But my heart whispers,"Please let him stay".
From... pacing the surgical waiting room...
to sitting by his hospital bed...
From... wishing for a good nights sleep..
to learning every med..
From... wondering will he be alright?
to watching him reach out his hands..
with every smile, my heart just melts..
(despite life's harsh demands)
For all who see that faded line..
I look to them and smile..
You see my child is loved so much..
I would face any trial...
That same scar I trace with my finger..
(It's the door to his beautiful heart)
You must have known how much I'd love him..
(Just as You loved him right from the start)
A heart mom is always a heart mom..
(wise beyond all of her years)
And for those who have angels in heaven..
Our hearts share in all of your tears..
On Mother's Day I will remember..
You chose me for him(and no other)
And I will embrace that beautiful day..
When I became a "heart mother".

I am the Father...

I am the father... My child was born with a heart defect...
Its "my job" to be strong...
And tell my wife things will be fine...
(And pray that I'm not wrong)
And still the bills need to get paid...
And things need to be done...
And it's so hard just sitting here...
"I want to hold my son"!
I lean down as I watch him breathe...
"Keep fighting", is my plea...
"I thought I'd teach you to be brave...
"But son, you have taught me".

I hear the beeping of all those machines...
(They're helping my child to live)
I wish that I could take his place...
(Man, what I would not give!)
To have the faith and strength I need...
to hold back all my tears...
to say I know he'll be okay...
despite all of my fears...
I'd only fall down in defeat...
when no one is around...
I'd be the rock she surely needs..
I'd stand on solid ground.
A daddy says," come to my arms...
and I'll chase those monster's away"...
This daddy's heart cries out to God...
and says, "please let him stay".
A daddy needs to cry sometimes...
and God must see right through...
that " tough daddy exterior"...
for He's a daddy too.

Some Bonds Cannot Be Understood

Some bonds cannot be understood...
Unless you have walked them before...
A path that I would not have chosen...
A future I just can't ignore.

We've all watched our children intently...
Memorizing each line...
And let them leave our loving arms...
And prayed things would be fine.
We've paced the halls awaiting news...
And wondered just what lie in store...
We've felt our own heart's racing as...
We walked through an ICU door...
We've seen the child we love so much...
Struggling to overcome...
The lines...the cords....the monitors...
No thoughts...no words...would come...
We've prayed for an improvement...
We've laid it in God's hands..
We've cried...we've hoped...we've worried...
We've wondered of God's plans.
We've learned just how a heart works...
Each valve and artery...
We've asked alot of questions...
We've faced each surgery.
And somewhere down this well worn path...
We've met more families...
Who know exactly what it means...
To live with this disease.
We've smiled at every triumph...
And shared in every sigh...
We've prayed for a child that struggles...
And each family that must say goodbye.
Some battles are fought with bullets...
And weapons made for war...
While these are fought in silence...
Behind a hospital door...
We've wondered what lies in our future...
We've been thankful for just one more day...
We've stopped and watched with tear-filled eyes...
Our children...as they play.
We've struggled with ounces and weight gain...
Why won't my child just eat?
But heart mom's ...we're a tough group...
We've learned how to face a defeat.
We've faced those moments...others do...
When life has got us stressed...
But it doesn't take long to remember...
That we are richly blessed.
We've taken on a whole new role...
One we we wouldn't exchange if we could...
We know that life is difficult...
We hold onto all that is good.
God chose each of us carefully...
I do believe he smiled...
Some bonds begin with strangers...
And just one special child.

Somewhere

Somewhere...someplace... today...
A family is waiting to hear...
Is something wrong with their baby?
The answers aren't quite clear...
This family has entered an unwanted world...
And they just don't know what to expect...
Somewhere...someplace... today
They first heard the words: heart defect.
And how they hoped this was not true...
And thought... this cannot be...
I too... know just how this feels...
For one day...this was me.

Somewhere...someplace...today...
A man and a woman embrace...
Their baby is in surgery...
They long to see her face...
They haven't got to hold her yet...
Without...a cord or line...
They pace the room awaiting news...
And hope she'll be just fine.
Prayers fill this busy waiting room...
And mom and dad are scared...
Somewhere...someplace..today...
The tiniest hearts are repaired.

Somewhere...someplace...today...
A child's growing fast...
Smiling,laughing,thriving...
His mom thinks...can this last?
It's almost easy...to forget...
That anything is wrong...
Somewhere...someplace..today...
Her child seems so strong.

Somewhere...someplace... today...
A little boy fights...just to live
A father holds his tiny hand...
His love...all he can give...
The doctor's are all baffled...
They fear that he might die...
Somewhere...someplace...today...
A family says goodbye...

Somewhere...someplace...each year..
More than 40,000 families will see...
What it means...when something's wrong...
They'll face a CHD.
Today...for just a moment...
Stop...remember...reflect...
Make time to tell someone you know...
"I've been changed by a heart defect".

Some bonds cannot be understood...
Unless you have walked them before...
A path that I would not have chosen...
A future I just can't ignore.

We've all watched our children intently...
Memorizing each line...
And let them leave our loving arms...
And prayed things would be fine.
We've paced the halls awaiting news...
And wondered just what lie in store...
We've felt our own heart's racing as...
We walked through an ICU door...
We've seen the child we love so much...
Struggling to overcome...
The lines...the cords....the monitors...
No thoughts...no words...would come...
We've prayed for an improvement...
We've laid it in God's hands..
We've cried...we've hoped...we've worried...
We've wondered of God's plans.
We've learned just how a heart works...
Each valve and artery...
We've asked alot of questions...
We've faced each surgery.
And somewhere down this well worn path...
We've met more families...
Who know exactly what it means...
To live with this disease.
We've smiled at every triumph...
And shared in every sigh...
We've prayed for a child that struggles...
And each family that must say goodbye.
Some battles are fought with bullets...
And weapons made for war...
While these are fought in silence...
Behind a hospital door...
We've wondered what lies in our future...
We've been thankful for just one more day...
We've stopped and watched with tear-filled eyes...
Our children...as they play.
We've struggled with ounces and weight gain...
Why won't my child just eat?
But heart mom's ...we're a tough group...
We've learned how to face a defeat.
We've faced those moments...others do...
When life has got us stressed...
But it doesn't take long to remember...
That we are richly blessed.
We've taken on a whole new role...
One we we wouldn't exchange if we could...
We know that life is difficult...
We hold onto all that is good.
God chose each of us carefully...
I do believe he smiled...
Some bonds begin with strangers...
And just one special child.